Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
