your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
