i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
