remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
No I am not eating basil off your cock
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
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He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.