Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much

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(817): So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much http://tfl.nu/mbp8

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(847): View more from Illinois

Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?

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(847): Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did? http://tfl.nu/wv87

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(208): View more from Idaho

Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

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(208): Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores" http://tfl.nu/e2re

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.

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(610): Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot. http://tfl.nu/czov

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(281): View more from Texas

my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.

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(281): my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious. http://tfl.nu/99ri

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.

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(336): I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me. http://tfl.nu/4zk7

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(302): View more from Delaware

They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not

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(302): They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not http://tfl.nu/juyk

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(904): View more from Florida

SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.

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(904): SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER. http://tfl.nu/kfu8

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?

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(304): Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps? http://tfl.nu/jolf

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?

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(501): Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill? http://tfl.nu/quyz

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(831): View more from California

You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint

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(831): You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint http://tfl.nu/ergy

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out

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(580): Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out http://tfl.nu/fusv

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.

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(414): Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside. http://tfl.nu/lx27

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(719): View more from Colorado

My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.

(1-719): View more from Colorado

Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!

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(719): My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck. (1-719): Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER! http://tfl.nu/1zbw

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator

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(978): woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator http://tfl.nu/ric1

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