Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.