Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?

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  (631): Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out? http://tfl.nu/nikk
  Replies (87) Good night (678) Bad night (5841)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me

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  (201): I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me http://tfl.nu/61f7
  Replies (24) Good night (648) Bad night (6338)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

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  (513): Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot. http://tfl.nu/qalf
  Replies (15) Good night (7846) Bad night (943)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  she just took adderol and chased it w dog water

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  (781): she just took adderol and chased it w dog water http://tfl.nu/pwol
  Replies (26) Good night (843) Bad night (5398)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night

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  (608): I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night http://tfl.nu/nzfl
  Replies (23) Good night (6113) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?

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  (417): How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave? http://tfl.nu/9xty
  Replies (17) Good night (1677) Bad night (2366)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with

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  (208): My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with http://tfl.nu/1h68
  Replies (5) Good night (1582) Bad night (620)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.

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  (503): You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want. http://tfl.nu/gyya
  Replies (10) Good night (1896) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?

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  (904): Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already? http://tfl.nu/3n3w
  Replies (6) Good night (1672) Bad night (500)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.

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  (830): we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked. http://tfl.nu/50u7
  Replies (8) Good night (2270) Bad night (500)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO

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  (609): On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO http://tfl.nu/r9jo
  Replies (26) Good night (765) Bad night (2041)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god

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  (314): Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god http://tfl.nu/tl6y
  Replies (12) Good night (1076) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin

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  (702): He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin http://tfl.nu/paaj
  Replies (4) Good night (1159) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.

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  (503): Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it. http://tfl.nu/rbw2
  Replies (4) Good night (1270) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much

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  (856): i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much http://tfl.nu/7v7v
  Replies (0) Good night (385) Bad night (151)

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