operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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