please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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