I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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