dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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