stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
