next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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