Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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