I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
