I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
