I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
