chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
