So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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