I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
