Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
