The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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