I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
