I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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