Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
