I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
