your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
