I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
