i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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