I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
