The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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