Its about making memories worth repressing
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
