don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
