Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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