and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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