Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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