she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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