CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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