I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
