I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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