Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
