Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
