while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
