I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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