Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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