I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
