i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
