I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
