I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
