im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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