on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
