And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
