Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
