This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
