Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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