Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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