How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
