It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
