Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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