i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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