NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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