Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
