I wish i was in the wii world.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
