Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
