I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
