First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
