Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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