this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
