Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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