dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
