the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
