So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
