i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
