Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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