there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
