Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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