I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
