So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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