dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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