He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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