I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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