i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
